This frozen slush, or as the melodramatic media are calling it, the "icepocalypse", has apparently paralyzed our fair city during what was supposed to be what I like to refer to as, Justin-Timberlake-in-da-house-Week, oops, I mean The
Whatevs. I'm putting the skinny jeans back up on the shelf.
The past few weeks, my creative juices have been duly sapped by trying to wear a few too many hats, including but not limited to, being loving wife to Chris and "patient" mother to Two active little girls ages 3- and-3/4 (her words) and sixteen months. The word "patient" has to go in quotes because it's not so much an adjective that describes me now, but more like an unattainable goal. And then Chris goes and subtly hints that my blog posts were becoming macabre, so I've had to wait until I was in a cheery mood to write again. And despite it being 16 degrees outside with a blanket of ice over the whole city, and school getting cancelled for the week, and three more days of snow in our forecast, and worst of all, not getting to astonish Norma Strait with my brilliant wit/personality and cute cowboy hat this weekend, I'm still actually feeling somewhat cheery.
Has it really been two weeks since I was last cheery? Wow, that's a little sad.
Speaking of sad, I found out yesterday that my dear, sweet grandmother Sassy went to heaven on Monday night. I'm not using "went to heaven" as a euphemism. The woman literally went there. She had the most resolute, stalwart faith in her Lord and Savior, and no one who knew my spectacular grandmother could have ever any doubt she would be dancing the hula through the gates of the Almighty the moment she sighed her last breath here on earth. I don't blame God for wanting her back with Him. She was so kind, so brave, so tenderhearted, and so limitlessly joyful, who wouldn't want this woman by their side? So, despite any selfish grief over her departure from my own life, I am choosing to be thrilled that she is now celebrating with her King.
And who can be sad about that, right?
Along with the wife and mother hats I mentioned above, there are a few others I've had to don here lately. Here is a little sample:
ATHLETE. My training for the half-marathon is in full swing, and my friend and running partner Geni actually scammed me into running a ten mile long run with her on Saturday. In case you're wondering, ten miles is a long freaking way to run, ya'll. That's all I'm gonna say.
ORACLE. Coming up with answers to millions of questions like this on a daily basis: Mommy, why does the sun come up in the day and the stars come out at night? Mommy, why does my banana turn brown? Mommy, why do you wear make-up? What is heaven like? Mommy, how do airplanes stay in the air? Why did the soldiers kill Jesus? Mommy, what is Sleeping Beauty's real name?
TRAVEL AGENT. Due to a stroke of good fortune at work, I was chosen to attend an all-expenses-paid neonatology conference in February at... wait for it... Disney World. So yes of course, I booked my husband and children on a flight down there to join me. I kind of thought that was the extent of the required planning needed to take two children to Disney but apparently, I was oh-so-wrong. According to my professional-Disney-goer friends who happen to be very serious about their craft, I absolutely have to: reserve a stroller, get a meal plan (?), schedule a Princess make-over for Aria (??), and I simply must make reservations for breakfast, lunch or dinner with the Princesses because - who knew - these things apparently book up six months in advance and here it is only three weeks before our trip and I've done none of this. Poor Disney planner that I am!
MAID. I've had a lot of conversations with my child that begin like this: Mommy, look! The cat barfed all over the carpet. Sorry, Mommy, I wet my bed. Look, Mommy, I colored my shirt red! My baby doll was hungry, so I made her some lunch. Or my personal favorite, Mommy, look! Caroline and I made you a picture! (Lots of silent, internal weeping as I calculate the amount of time it will take to scrub the multicolored chalk pictures off my hardwood floors).
PATIENT. The noun, not the adjective. I finally got all the results back from the various kidney stone appointments, and I learned that I have 5-7 large stones that require lithotripsy as soon as possible because they are too big to pass. She also threw some words at me like, "medullary sponge kidney disease" and "go see a nephrologist", but my brain is only processing one thing at a time, like the fact that my body is full of rocks that need to be blasted very soon by ultrasonic waves. Ug. Ick. Ouch. Bleh.
All these hats and not a cowboy hat in sight! And poor Norma, not getting to hang with me. Wonder how she is taking it?